Stealthy Beasts

March 1, 2013

I LOVE reading - scratch that, I LOVE reading certain authors' masterpieces.  One of my most favs is Kimberly Stuart.  A writer who's books are charming, witty and make you examine your own heart.  Not to mention she's a local author, and there is just something special about a writer who lives in and around your community.  Kim, very simply, can NOT write fast enough for me (haha, sorry Kim, if you are reading). 

I was especially lucky to have met this author.  As a favor to a mutual friend, Kim made a personal appearance at our book club (many, many moons and books ago) and we got to pepper her with questions about the fascinating career of writing.  It was a conversation that I will never forget since I have ALWAYS wanted to be a writer.  And yes, Kim, even after talking about the laundry piles and scrubbing toilets.

Now I am not some stalker creep or anything, I just happen to read anything and everything Ms. Stuart writes.  Her blog, being one.  And today's post, Animal Planet, hit a cord with me, I just can't help but comment on it.  Please read her blog:

http://kimberlystuart.blogspot.com/2013/03/animal-planet.html

So to answer "Anyone else out there nervous about creatures of the night? Am I the only one who sings loudly, flicks the lights on and off, and bangs on the side of the house with a metal object when she takes the trash out at night? Come on...'Fess up, fellow animal lovers."

YES!  I am Mel.  I am an animal lover and I am freaked out by stealthy beasts.  Raccoons, oppossums, moles, groundhogs, squinnys, rats, mice, even my cat, Snickerdoodle, sometimes.  Any creature, lazy by day and hunter by night, scares the bejeezies out of me!  

Imagine it's July.  And we are camping.  (Yes, me, the 5-star hotel queen, is camping - move on.)  My sister- & brother-in-law have a camper.  We have a tent (and alcohol).  It's dark and we are all gathered around the campfire toasting marshmellows and making Wonder bread cherry pies.  (Yes, cherry pies - for those of you not from the Midwest, you really need to journey out here in the summer.)  It's quiet except for the chirping of crickets, hooting of owls and cracking of the fire - OK it's really not that quiet.  All of the sudden, the bin we had been putting our empty cans in, not 3 feet from our chairs, crashes to the ground and cans go flying everywhere!  In the dark we can barely make out the shadow of a raccoon scurrying under the camper.  It was enough to make me leap from my chair and jump around like a spaz.  It took nearly three Kaluha drinks to calm my nerves.  

After everything settled down a bit, the kids head to the camper for a movie and shut eye, the adults continuing the fireside chats.  At some point we hear an Earth-shattering scream coming from one of the kids in the camper.  Mama Bear instincts kick into play.  Racing to the camper, I come face-to-face with a raccoon standing on the table outside of the camper not inches from the screen separating it and my screaming daughter's face.  The raccoon hisses, yes hisses, jumps off the table, carrying something unidentifiable, and scurries into the nearby bushes.  While I am soothing my niece and daughter, I realize the time putting up the tent was wasted, this Mama Bear would NOT be sleeping, camper, tent, or otherwise.  The sun came up a few hours later and the unidentifiable something the Raccoon snatched?  Twizzlers.  The sneaky thing opened and emptied an entire box of strawberry Twizzlers in Lord knows how many trips.

Moral of this story, when faced with stealthy beasts, have Twizzlers on hand - they really do give your mouth something to smile about.  I still hate stealthy beasts though, even if they share my love of the perfect sweet snack.