Modern Day Racism

August 14, 2011

I cannot get the book, The Help by Kathryn Stockett, out of my mind.

I read it a several weeks ago.  Honestly, it was one of the best books I have read in a very long time.  And I read a ton, so this is a huge compliment.  There are few books that I give a "best" rating.  The movie came out this past week so naturally I went.  I prepared myself to be unsatisfied and disappointed, as with any movie seen after a great book, but I was pleasantly surprised.  The movie stuck fairly close to the book's story lines, capturing the major themes very well.  If I have to give a criticism it would be they waited to long in the movie to bring out the scariness of that time, sticking more to the funny and light side of the book.  I understand the reasoning, keeping ticket sales in mind, why offend people with the raw truth of the time, right?  In any case, I would recommend the book and the movie to anyone wanting a heart-felt look at a time when very few white people acted in a heart-felt way.

I think the part that gets me the most is the part where the black maids raise the white children for decades and then the white children grow up and somehow become their parents.  Two black maids, in particular, Abilene & Constantine, raise their "children" with the unconditional love and importance their own mothers refuse to give.  They teach their children that the color of a person's heart is the same, no matter what their skin color.  You would think that if all southern white children in the 60's were raised by black maids with such care and love, racism would nearly be gone.  But the maids are not the only influence on these children.  The white parents are still there, and their racism is passed down in small, everyday doses of poison.

So why have I not moved on from this story?  I've been thinking about this a lot.  Some things have changed in the last 50+ years, at least here in the Midwest.  White and black children go to school together.  White people at least where I live don't have black maids, or any maids for that matter.  White people are raising their own children and black people are raising their own children in neighborhoods, living side-by-side, albeit through daycares usually.  No more segregated schools, drinking fountains, restaurants, bathrooms or movie theater entrances.  Things have finally turned around, right?  In some ways, yes, but in others, no.

The thing that perplexes me is why people are still focusing on the color of people's skin.  Why is it that some people have to describe others in a derogatory way?  In the last decade I have heard many racial jokes, remarks and innuendos, as many as there are stars in the sky.  And the saddest part is that many of those comments have come from my own family and friends.  I fought very hard against remarks and jokes being told in front of my children.  I sheltered them by quickly whisking them out of earshot when a joke was started.  I would politely ask someone to not use a word/term since there were children in the room.  I even refused to come to a family get-together once because previously the n-word had been used.

Even though I am not sure the best way to handle verbal attacks against other races, I have been thinking that maybe I'm not handling it the better way either.  Maybe I shouldn't shelter my kids from those that are obviously ignorant.  Maybe it's better they see these forms of hatred in ready-form so they can understand how vial and stupid it is.  My children are smart.  They understand what bullying is.  They understand what's right and what's wrong.  Maybe if they see how ugly prejudice is in these everyday forms, they can choose a better path, treating everyone (no matter their skin color) with respect and decency. 

A story from history:

Somewhere in Anytown, USA, friends are congregating around a campfire enjoying company, drinks and fire-side chats.  The evening is enjoyable, sky full of stars, cool breezes and crickets chirping.  Children are running and giggling, playing in and amongst the adults.  Everyone is laughing and having a good time.  Until one man (black) stands up to another (white) and says "This is ____, man, and you use the word "colored".  What is wrong with you?  Get with the times."  He walks away obviously extremely angry and he doesn't come back.  The rest of the group is in shock.  The rest of the group is white.  The white man that used the offensive term pleads he meant no offense, it is just a term that is used.  "What should I have said, black?" he laughs.  The group was silent except for the host (white) who says "Well, this is tough, I can see it from both sides."  Moments later, the man is questioning what other words he could have used instead, like the n-word.

The blank above is the year this story happened.  Can you guess what year?  Who are the racists?  The man who used the original offensive term?  The host who by not choosing sides, chose sides? Those who were silent?  I think they all were.  I believe that when people don't take a stand against racial prejudice, they are helping it grow.  They are no better than those who use the words.

I witnessed the event.  And I was one of the silent ones, except to a few of my close friends whom I knew would not be upset with me for saying using those types of terms was absolutely not right.  I finished my drink and left the party much earlier than I had wanted to.  But I quickly realized my passive form of defiance wasn't enough.  I should have spoken up.  I should have told the man that there really isn't any reason to describe someone's skin color using a racial slur.  I should have explained which words were slurs.  I should have told the host his acceptance of both sides was a racial offense in itself.  I should have told the rest of the group that their silence only perpetuates racist thinking.  I should have been a better role-model to my child.

You would have thought that this maybe had happened in the 70's, but I didn't have kids then, I was a kid myself.  It wasn't in the 80's or the 90's.  It was August 13th, 2011.  The man came to the black man's wife (who happens to be white) and apologizes, saying he didn't really think it was going to make him so mad.  "Heck one of my daughters is black." he says.  The wife raises her eyebrows and asks "Have you ever described your daughter as colored?"  The man says without hesitation "Well, no." 

I believe racism is kept current from small, seemingly inconspicuous events.  It evolves generation to generation by our children growing up listening to our silence.  If we don't speak up, why will they? Who will be our childrens' Abilene?