Mama Said...

June 8, 2013

Do you ever have days like these?

Do you run out of coffee?  Did you go to the store yesterday SPECIFICALLY for coffee and forget it?  What did you get?  Did you just walk in and then out?  Didn’t the manager of Fareway think that to be odd?  Hmmm, Earl Gray or Sleepy Time Herbal, anyone?  Oh and notice the blue, blinky light?  Did you used to have a coffee maker that brewed 12 cups at a time?  And did sludge and muck and mold grow on the pot for days before you would throw it out?  Do you now brew one cup at a time and have to fill up the 64 ounce reservoir every single day?

Or does your toaster spontaneously hold your bagel hostage?  Does it, on occasion, refuse to adhere to the ultra light toast setting?  And then the next time you use it work to perfection?  Let’s warm up the bagel, Hamilton, not set it on fire, shall we?

Or is the only eye makeup you wear, mascara?  So as if some cruel cosmetic joke, does your eyelash curler spontaneously snap with the first curl?  How, for the love of the Lord, will you get the Twiggy look now? And how do you replace such a dear, wonderful, comforting appliance?  Are you crying for your loss?  Careful, you don't want half your mascara to run, do you?

If you have answered yes to any one of these, be warned that today may not be your best day.  And if you have answered yes to ALL of these in ONE morning, do not pass go, do not collect $200 and GO DIRECTLY BACK TO BED!