I'm Back, Fighting the Good Fight

February 27, 2013

Hello again!  I'm back - wondering where I have been?  I would love to tell you backpacking through Europe or safari-ing in Africa or writing a novel or something extremely fun and interesting.  Yeah, well I can't.  Truth is, we have had a very long and trying 7+ months in our household.  I can't get into the specifics because the pain of it is enough to make me hold my breath and I just can not go back there.  When I would sit down to write all I could do was focus on the trials and pain in our life and then I would end up in a puddle of tears. 

Thus the trials can't be written about.  For months now I have stared and stared at a blank computer screen, hoping something would miraculously pop into my head.  Nothing has. 

The closest I came to writing for these past 7+ months was the diary entry, dated mid-October 2012, located at the end of this blog post.  I got to thinking about this entry today as I shoveled a 2-foot wall of snow from the bottom of my driveway for the SECOND time (yeah, thanks Mr. Snowplow Driver).

The entry or really the sound of pouring rain just popped into my head.  I don't know why.  But the sound of rain (while it is not raining) has been popping into my head a lot lately – in dreams, while shoveling snow, in the shower, OK well maybe the shower can be explained.  But none-the-less, I have been hearing the pattering of rain for several months and I can’t really explain why. 

Maybe this time it was my thoughts of last week's church message about how we, even the best of Christians, strive to surround ourselves in comfort – car seat warmers, battery-operated wine openers, GPS systems, cell phones, any and all Apple gadgets, and, of course, snow blowers (yeah, that would be a comfort I could take right now, seriously).  With all the modern conveniences of this age, we humans tend to continue our challenge to find comfort in the ways we interact with other people.  Texting and emailing instead of having a tough conversation with someone face-to-face.  Facebook posts and Instagrams instead of connecting with people directly.  With all these conveniences we tend to choose more and more to take the easy road in real life situations.  Might have been Pastor Mike's words "fight the good fight.” After all, there are certain things in life that are worth standing up and fighting for – places you can’t take the easy road to get to.  That we may find ourselves in tough, unimaginable situations but it is God's plan to fight the good fight through them.  That it is His plan not for our suffering but for His glory.

I definitely don't think as a family we have been in a comfortable situation the past half year, quite the opposite in fact.  Last Sunday's message has validated my theory that sometimes doing what is right is NOT what is easy.  I do think we have been fighting the good fight.  It's just today though, as I am shoveling the snow, I wonder when our portion of this one particular fight may be done.  I think we have done all we can and that it may now be time to give the end of this one battle to God.  But how does a person really know?  I don’t believe we have lost mind you, on the contrary – I think this battle is won but when do we give a battle to God so He can have His victory?  I guess my prayer will now be to know when our good fight is done.  Maybe it is today. 

Maybe it was just the sounds of the snowplow scraping along icy concrete, the high-pitched squeals of the kids sledding in the back yard, the neighbor's snow blower or the slosh of my shovel hitting the snow, or maybe it was God's whisper - whatever I heard today triggered a memory of hearing the rain. 

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Rain Washes Everything

I woke up this morning at 4am to pouring rain, thunder and lightning.  It was a glorious sound.  I am not a farmer but I might know a few.  :) And after the driest summer we have ever had (in my lifetime at least) the sound of rain is quite simply, beautiful.  Last night my husband and I stayed up until 12:30am scouring the house.  Oh, yeah, our house is for sale.  The house should have been clean and it was for the most part, but we are desperate to sell our house.  Since we had a showing and we were going to be at the ISU game and softball tournaments all day long, we were forced to dust, vacuum, mop, scrub, scour, touch up paint on walls and doorways until we literally fell into bed exhausted at 12:32am. 

Considering the stress and emotional toil the past 3 months, one would think getting woke up after conducting maid service and only 3.5 hours of sleep would have either sent me into a fit of rage or a puddle of tears but it didn't.  My first thought as I heard that sound is that today was going to be a different day.  I didn't know how or why just thought today was going to be different.

We got ready to leave the house.  Boys to Ames for the ISU game.  Girls to Des Moines for softball games, yes in the rain.  But before the girls could go to softball, we had to stall a little so we ran to Starbucks to get coffee.  Me a Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte and the daughter a Grande Vanilla Bean Frappeccino.  My girl & I got to sit in the comfy chairs of the coffee shop and sip and talk and talk and sip.  It was an about-nothing-and-yet-meant-everything conversation that began with us laughing, dare I say giggling even, for the first time since the trials began more than three months ago.  It ended with daughter smiling from ear-to-ear, blasting the tunes, dancing in her seat on the way to the softball fields while the rain poured down.  And me smiling from ear-to-ear, silently shedding joyful tears behind dark sunglasses.  One would think that there would be no more tears to spare but these tears were different.  Complete and total gratefulness for an about-nothing-and-yet-meant-everything conversation.  The softball tournament was cancelled so we ended up turning around and heading home.  Later when we were curled up on the couch watching movies, the sun peaked through the clouds.  My girl went to the window and sure enough, a rainbow spanned the sky.  We just stood there looking at the contrast of dark clouds, bright sun and brilliant color.  And just as I thought to myself how lucky I am to have this moment with her, the daughter says quietly, almost to herself "This has been one of the best days."  I agreed by, yep you guessed it, joyfully crying again, this time with no dark glasses to hide it. 

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Genesis 9:14-16

"Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life."