Coach Bully

May 8, 2012

I was at the softball fields the other day, imagine that, as so many of my days are spent there.  We had practice for my daughter's team.  We decided to do batting practice first in the cages and another coach of a different team, had a pitching machine and offered for our girls to step in his batting cage while he was waiting for his girls to come to practice.  I thought this was a very thoughtful offer, at first.  My daughter was first up.

I will repeat - this person was NOT any of the coaches on my daughter's team.  But he IS a coach for a younger softball team.  Here are just a sampling of the encouraging words he had to say:

"What are you waiting for, dinner?"

"Might as well put the bat down if you're not gonna use it."

"I guess you must be the bunter on the team."

"Oh, guess not."

"If you keep stepping back you'll be outside the cage." 

"Does she ever get on base?" (to me and some of the teammates outside of the cage)

"I'm almost out of balls, are you gonna swing anytime today?"

"Maybe you should give someone who wants to hit a chance."

My interjection at some point but unsure of where:

"Go ahead and swing, hon, maybe then he will shut up."  To which Lily retorted, "I will when there's a strike."

It didn't shut him up.  It went on for a little over 4 minutes.  And the clincher, after Lily was struck in the hands with a softball from a pitching machine (and she was struck after trying to jump back out of the way of the ball):

"Maybe if you had swung it wouldn't have hit ya, oh great, tears.  Shake it off!"

He said more in the 4 minute berating but these are the quotes that I could remember in the exact words.  His tone was condescending and taunting.  He wasn't funny or joking.  Not one word was encouraging, positive or kind.  He was nothing more than a huge bully. 

He instructed her to get back in there and I had had enough.  I said "NO, Lily, come out of the cage."  And to him I said "She's had quite enough and so have I."  I was seething and said nothing more for fear I wouldn't be able to stop myself from screaming or flattening him on his ass right in front of the team.  No one likes to see the Mean Mama, trust me, it is so ugly.

I would like to think that this person has some rare form of Tourette's and no control over his negative outbursts.  But he doesn't - he's just a terrible, terrible coach, and not a great human being either, in my opinion.  And what's even sadder is that somewhere out there a team of young ladies is getting coached and shaped by this neanderthal.  I hope their parents are able to stand up to him and do more than just say they have had enough.

With our eyes full of tears and away from earshot of the neanderthal and the team, I apologized to Lily for not doing more.  I let her know that I had rage in my heart about that jerk.  And she, as always, handled this situation with dignity and grace.  She told me she felt sorry for him.  She said that she knows from school that he probably got treated that way when he was younger.  She said he probably has no friends.  She said that she's glad she only had a few minutes with him and that she feels sorry for the team he coaches that has to spend hours with him.  She said I did my job, I got her out of there.  She said "You can't fight meanness with meanness, Mom, remember?  You told me that.  We can only pray for him."

So that's what we will do, Coach Bully.  Each time we pass you at the softball tournaments, practices and games, each time we see you on the softball fields and in the batting cages, we will pray for you to let go of your bullying ways and find kindness in your heart; we will pray that you use the golden rule and start speaking to people in the manner you would want to be spoken to.

Lily & I talked about how this situation made us really appreciate all the coaches we have had over the years, in her and her brother's sports.  We both agreed we have been so very, very lucky.  Coach Jason, Coach Ro, Coach Russ, Coach Greg, Coach Sara, Coach James, Coach Mike, Coach Todd, Coach Meghan, Coach Tory, Coach Amy, Coach Kevin, Coach Jeff K, Coach Jeff H, Coach John, Coach Crandall, Coach Lana, Coach Dad not to mention all the wonderful teachers, friends, and family - all wonderfully positive, supportive, nurturing and deserving of kudos for helping to shape this amazing girl. 

Lily took batting practice from one of her own coaches and did a great job, only swinging at the strikes, making contact often.  I have never been more proud of my daughter, and my pride had nothing to do with her softball skills.